Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2019 3:26:03 GMT
though she likes to insert herself in different social situations to better get to know her clanmates, orchidgaze is also one to sit back and observe what is going on around her. she finds that she can learn more from simply watching rather than talking, as most people reveal things about themselves when they think no one is watching. there have been a few times this has caused her to approach one of her clanmates to see if everything is OK, but most of the time, she files away what she sees. this helps her to understand her clanmates better, even if it is tainted with her own assumptions about them. generally, she doesn’t act on these assumptions, opting to look at them logically, and see if she can find a reason for the way they are acting. she is a problem solver, if nothing else, always looking for the best way to ‘fix’ things, even if they don’t need to be fixing. she can be quite intimidating in this sense, since she doesn’t always understand when she has overstepped.
the she-cat is honest almost to a fault. ever since she was a kit, her mother instilled in her the importance of speaking her mind, and speaking truthfully, and to never tell a lie. in this regard, the she-cat will probably hurt quite a few cats feelings, though she never does it maliciously, unless you happen to tick her off. her honesty can quickly turn to her being downright rude if her temper is triggered, which doesn’t take very much at the best of times. she has always worked on keeping her temper in check, but it is the one skill she has had the most trouble with perfecting. on the flip side of this, however, she is an extremely open-minded cat, and doesn’t have any qualms about apologizing, even if she might not mean it. she listens to excuses for others downfalls or outright failures, and most of the time she accepts them at face value, as she isn’t one to get into a heated argument. she has learned through her moons that that doesn’t ever solve anything.
orchidgaze doesn’t have much of a back bone, and constantly second guesses her decisions as well as herself. she is easily swayed by those that have more confidence than her, and her adversity to conflict. this is not the most appealing thing for a warrior, but she generally makes it work for her. it’s something she has always struggled with, and now just chooses to live with it instead of trying to change it. however, just because she is weak-willed, it doesn’t mean she thinks poorly of herself. she carries a quiet confidence, one that doesn’t need to be shoved in everyone's face. with this though, she can be extremely condescending to those that struggle with certain things. generally, her condescension is reserved for her fellow warriors, usually those that are younger than her, but she has been known to get snippy with apprentices in the past.
yet, the she-cat feels a rather motherly love towards apprentices. she wants them to succeed, to become great additions to riverclan, and she can be quite smothering. she is a loving creature, sometimes too loving, and wants to know everything about the apprentices, and to let them know that she is there for them no matter what. she sometimes completely disregards their actual mothers, believing that she is the better option, as she was never able to have kits of her own. sometimes this gets in the way of her duties, but she is quick to apologize if it occurs.
the she-cat is a fierce believer in starclan, and isn’t afraid to voice her beliefs. she believes in omens, punishments, as well as miracles that are granted to the clans. she follows the warrior code to a t, never straying from her clan, making sure other clans know that her loyalties lie only with riverclan, and the word of starclan. she believes the clans are nothing without starclan, and thinks that everyone should take their word as law, and never, ever question the advice or guidance of their ancestors.
There was some rumours flung around about your mother's loyalty, intensified by the fact that she was gone from camp most days, and then out of the blue announced that she was pregnant. Gossipy queens and elders alike, threw accusations around under their breath, shooting glares of condemnation out of the corners of their eyes. Yet, your mother never once let them get her down. She knew who the father was, knew that he was of pure RiverClan blood, but the affair was to be kept quiet. That is what the two had agreed upon when she found out she was pregnant. It was hard for her to withhold the truth completely from her Clanmates, but it was necessary to preserve the heart of the she-cat that she had wronged by falling for the wrong tom, and he, for her.
The thing was, your mother never announced that she had a mate, nor was she ever overly affectionate to any toms. She wasn’t a cold cat by any means, but she did have a strong control over her emotions and the demeanour she allowed her Clanmates to see. She was frank in her answers to prying questions, assuring the interrogators that the father was RiverClan, and that is all they needed to know. The only cats she revealed the father to was the leader, and medicine cat, as the thought of only telling a bit of the truth to them was sickening. There was judgment passed between the two cats who knew her secret, but they worked to silence the rumours that flew throughout the camp. She was to be punished enough, having to raise her kits on her own, and never being able to reveal who their father was. It was heartbreaking, your mother believing that a father's influence was important in regards to shaping the life of young kits. But, it was a necessary sacrifice.
You are from a small litter, being your mothers first. There is you, Orchidkit; Celadinekit, your sister; and Thornkit, your brother. You are attached to your mother, fearful of the world around you, whereas your siblings are full of adventure. You watch as they are constantly hauled back to the nursery, the ghosts of their giggles still evident on their faces, despite the scorn they will face. Your mother reprimands them, telling them they are not to leave her side, but there is only so much she can do, being only one. You decide that you will be your mothers’ voice in their ears, reminding them that they will be in trouble if they stray too far. They taunt you, call you a coward, a tattletale, and that you will be permanently attached to your mother. You see nothing wrong with this, and stomp back to your mother with your nose in the air, ready to spew your guts out to her about the antics of your siblings.
Your mother was not a strong cat, nor was she weak. There was a strength in her that no one understood, though she attributed it to her faith in StarClan, and thus began your unwavering belief in your ancestors. You’d ask questions, endless ones, some easily answered, some not. All you wanted was to understand them, but your mother insisted that it was less important to understand, than it was to believe. Wanting to be like your mother, you took these words at face value, and your faith has yet to waver. Your mother also insists upon the importance of honesty, and how a single lie could ruin the lives of those around you. This is a value that all three of her kits take to heart, knowing the whispers that have been said about her past, and all three of you are afraid that they shall whisper about you as well.
Nearing your apprentice ceremony, you begin to feel braver and venture out into the camp with Thornkit. He has been teasing you nonstop, though it has mostly been good-naturedly, to explore before your life is filled with apprentice duties. His destination that day was the medicine cats den. He had yet to explore it, Celadinekit saying it was wrong to tread upon their den if they were not sick, but Thornkit was persistent. Unable to find your voice to say no, you reluctantly follow. The camp is fairly quiet, the only real activity going on being the elders grooming each other and complaining about their nests and irresponsible apprentices. You suggest going to explore their den instead, but Thornkit merely laughs at you, and continues on towards the den.
There are strange smells within the den that immediately tell you to get out. They offend your senses, make your paws itch and scream trouble. Thornkit is already exploring the back stores, but you barely get past the nests that line the wall. Under the scents that assault you, you can smell the lingering sickness and death of those that passed. Shakily, you step towards the back of the den.
“Thornkit, we should go. I don’t think we should be in here.” Your voice betrays your fear, and you hear your brother snort from the back, but he emerges a few moments later, covered in herb dust. He sticks his tongue out at you, and then walks past, only to come face to face with the medicine cat themselves. You can’t help but shrink into the shadows, hopefully out of sight as your brother stares the cat in the eyes, refusing to back down from the intimidating glare.
“You are quite far from your mother, Thornkit.” They say softly, and cock their head to the side. you continue to move along the wall, trying your best not to disturb the nests, and give up your position. Thornkit smiles a big toothy grin and then sneezes, taking a step back as he does so. “What in StarClan did you get into?” The cat leaned forward, and took a breath, and you took your chance to dart out of the den. “Not so fast, Orchidkit.” Stopping mid stride, you turn towards the medicine cat, fearful of the repercussions of your actions.
“I-I didn’t do anything! It was all Thornkit!” You cry, dissolving into a blubbering mess upon the floor. Your life is over, you will never become an apprentice, or a warrior. Stupid, stupid Thornkit!
“Shush now, child. Stop that.” They breathed with exasperation, your brother striding up beside you and nudging you.
“We’re fine Orchidkit, geez. Quit being such a baby.” Thornkit looks at you with disgust, and you look down at your paws in shame.
“I’ll take you back to the nursery, where i suggest you both behave, lest you find your apprentice ceremony delayed.” You missed his wink, your eyes still on your paws as you trudge behind him, dreading the wrath of your mother.‘What ifs’ swarm your mind, but all you find once you reach the nursery is silence. It creeps over you, encompassing you, and you wish she would yell. You listen to the medicine cat explain where he found the two of you, and she looks from Thornkit, then to you, a cock of the brow, waiting for you to tell her everything. As if the floodgates are opened, words flow forth from your mouth, not leaving anything out. She shares a knowing look with the medicine cat who dismisses himself. Your mother thanks you for your honesty, and then never speaks of the incident again. Unbeknownst to you, Thornkit is angry with you. It will become a rivalry that is unmatched.
A moon into your apprenticeship, you still remain ignorant to the fiery hatred that is growing within your brother. He finds you spineless, aloof, and cocky all at once. You merely see your brother as your kin. His presence as well as your sisters pushes you to do your best, even if you aren’t the most skilled or coordinated of apprentices. What is noticed early on, is your uncanny ability to know what is going on around you, and what is going on with your Clanmates. You know that the elders complain of damp moss, the warriors whisper about lack of prey, and which of the apprentices is crushing on who. You are a fly on the wall, a lowly apprentice who is very good at keeping her mouth shut and not being noticed.
Perhaps it is your own blind loyalty that you don’t see the fury in your brother, but he carries it with him everyday. He’s always had a temper, that is nothing new, and when Celadinepaw tries to talk to you about him, you brush her off and say he is fine. You encourage her to focus on her training, and you’d talk to your mentor about doing a group training session with the three of you. She is hesitant to leave you with nothing resolved, but your unwavering knowing gaze eventually dismisses her.
Your mentor tells you that you need to focus more while hunting. For someone that sees everything, when hunting or fishing, you see nothing. You find it hard to concentrate on the task at hand, more interested in battle training, but you simply agree with your mentor for fear that they will decide to reprimand you. Your sister is a strong, capable hunter, with an eagle eye that misses not the smallest insignificant movement among the grass nor the currant. You envy her, but tell yourself that everyone has their strengths and their weaknesses. You easily overpower her in battle training, your focus sharp, able to pick out her next move before she makes it. Together, you make quite the pair, but you know that you both must learn to be successful on your own.
The worst day of your life so far happens a few moons into your life as an apprentice. Ten moons have passed since your mother brought you into this world, and your confidence grows with each passing day. However, you have yet to figure out how to stand up for yourself, and it will wind up costing you dearly.
Alongside your mentor, your sister and her mentor scour the border shared with WindClan. Patrols have come back with word of the scent of dog and something else along the border, warning to remain vigilant. You chat with your sister, nudging her and then tackling her as both your mentors tell you to smarten up and pay attention. The four of you stop, and you are asked to scent the air and report what you can smell. The first thing you notice is WindClan, strong and daunting, then there is the sour stench of dog. The third scent is foreign to you, and you shrug your shoulders when your mentor asks what it is.
“I believe it is a raccoon, or coyote. Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish because they both seem to smell of two-leg garbage. It’s different from the dog in that it doesn’t smell of two-leg place, and it’s paw prints aren’t large enough to be a badgers, StarClan willing. If it’s a raccoon, it means no harm, but if it is a coyote, we need to chase it off as soon as possible. Let WindClan deal with the fiend.” You nod your head to your mentor, sharing a grim look with your sister. You’ve heard talk of coyotes, fiercer and more unpredictable than dogs, and your stomach erupts with nerves and fear. You had hoped you’d never have to see one. But Fate had a different idea.
With the border marked, the foursome made their way back to the camp. You and your sister talk of a particular male apprentice that you both find charming, your mentors trailing behind you by no more than a fox length. They tease the two of you for gossiping like a couple of queens, and you turn around to stick your tongue out and catch sight of a large brown-grey figure lurking in the bushes along the border. Fear widens your eyes, and you lose your ability to speak. Celadinepaw nudges you, then yowls, your mentors whipping around to face the beast. It slows, tongue lolling slightly, and it’s dead yellow eyes flick between the four of you. Both mentors bristle and hiss, swiping out at it as they push it backwards. You are too frightened to join, but your sister is right there alongside, hissing and spitting at the canine.
You want to tell your sister to get back, to let the mentors deal with it, but you don’t want her to be angry with you. The coyote is retreating, thinking better than to take on three hostile cats, in search of easier prey. Your sisters mentor tells her to take you and go get another patrol, but your sister stands her ground. Gulping back your fear, you make your way to her, never once peeling your eyes off of the coyote and ask her to join you. She snarls at you, tells you to be brave and help. You stand down. You can’t help them, but you don’t leave either. However, with your sister distracted, the coyote pounced. Large incisors met flesh, dark blood flowing freely from the holes now puncturing deep within your sisters neck, the two mentors springing to action. Your mentor latched on to its shoulders, sinking her teeth into it, your sisters mentor strapped to its haunches. With a yelp, the coyote dropped Celadinepaw, a lifeless heap upon the ground. Out of the blue, three more cats spring into action, though you recognize none of them. It takes you a moment to come to your senses and realize they are WindClan.
The fight ends abruptly, the coyote wounded greatly, limping off, but bleeding profusely from its many wounds. Your mentor gives thanks to the WindClan patrol, and they all look to your sister with regret before leaving. You are a bundle of sorrow shaking upon the ground, and don’t mind when your mentor picks you up by the scruff of the neck and takes you back to the camp. You are met with the wails of your mother, tortured and shrill as she races to meet your dead kin. Your mentor sets you down next to your sister, and you crawl to her, nuzzling your nose deep in her belly and sob.
“We were supposed to become warriors together, Celadinepaw. You and me, until the very end. From nest to StarClan.” You curl into her as close as you can, her frame cold against you. If only you had insisted, if only you had stood up to your sister and got her to come back to the camp with you, she would still be alive. Your own cowardice and inability to take a stand costing your sister her life. You will never forgive yourself, and neither will Thornpaw.
Despite your sister being sent to StarClan so early in life, your belief in them only intensifies. While you still grieve for her, you have come to the conclusion that they needed her more than you do, and that makes it easier to deal with it. Your mother retires to the elders den about a moon after you receive your warriors name, and you visit her whenever you can to talk of the future and what it might hold. Your brother becomes a shell of the person you once knew, angry with a short fuse and a pariah. Other warriors come to you complaining about his attitude, saying that they can’t believe that two cats from the same litter can be so different. You have learned to keep your mouth shut regarding such things, so you sit and listen, taking it all in, worry for your brothers well being intensifying.
Several moons into your life as a warrior, you attend a Gathering and watch as your brother seats himself down next to a ShadowClan she-cat and doesn’t leave her side for the remainder of the evening. You miss everything that is said by the leaders, focused solely on your brother and his questionable actions. Doubt in his loyalty to RiverClan blossoms, and you can’t help but wonder if anyone else has noticed it. You leave the Gathering with butterflies in your stomach, wanting to confront him, but not knowing how to approach him.
Your doubt was unfounded apparently, as you fail to find anything else that may suggest his disloyalty to the Clan. You become obsessed with him, trying to find clues that would suggest his wandering heart but come up empty every time. Eventually, you give up, feeling ashamed that you ever thought such things of your brother and carry on with your life. You are a rather popular cat, kind and friendly to most, and you soon find yourself longing for kits. You had never really thought of yourself as a mother before, the pain of your sisters death had destroyed your own, but you can’t deny the appeal. But there is only one problem, none of the toms in the Clan interest you. Without knowing it, you’ve grown judgmental. You judge others by how much prey they bring it, the way they carry themselves around camp, and the way they patrol the borders. You are better than all of them, so your dreams of kits will go unfulfilled. It’s a sad realization, one that hurts you to the core, but you refuse to lower your standards to have kits.
With the thoughts of kits always in the back of your mind, life as a warrior proves to be rather, well, boring. It’s the same thing everyday - wake up, patrol, hunt, go to sleep. You keep this to yourself, lest your Clanmates decide to question your loyalties. It is a family tradition that you refuse to carry on.
At thirty-three moons, Thornstrike begins to become flaky in his duties, more aggressive than usual, and all around very unpleasant to be around. You hate to admit it, but you are scared of him and what he is capable of. However, when he leaves the warriors den in the dead of the night, you can’t help but follow him. THr worries about his loyalty comes back, crashing into you, sending your stomach into a tangle of knots as you stalk behind him, trying to figure out where he is going. It’s not long before you realize he’s going to Four Trees and your heart drops.
Hiding in the bracken that nestled that roots of the great trees, you watch the same ShadowClan cat from moons ago run up to Thornstrike and nuzzle him. You are too far away to hear what they are saying, but you can figure out that this has happened more than once in the past. Your gaze lingers on the she-cat, looking rather plump compared to when you had initially saw her all those moons ago and you gasp as the realization smacks you. She’s pregnant, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that your brother is the sire. Unable to keep your temper in check, you burst from the bracken, the look on her face amusing in any other situation.
“I knew it! I knew you were sneaking out of the camp to see this ShadowClan scum!” Your words are scathing, your eyes shooting daggers at the ShadowClan she-cat. She snarls at you, but your brother intervenes, his demeanour a complete 180 from what he’s like in camp. He seems softer, more at peace, but when he grins at you, you shrink away.
“Go home, Orchidgaze. This is none of your business, and it has never been any of your business, despite your incessant obsession with me and what I choose to do with my life.” There is no warmth in his voice, no love, and you finally understand that he hates you. “Go home. Tell the leader that I won’t be returning to RiverClan.” Your mouth drops open and you shake your head, your anger increasing by the second.
“You can’t abandon me, and mother! you can’t abandon RiverClan!” Voice shrill, you stand face to face with him, though you are quivering.
“Why not? You abandoned Celadinepaw, and she wound up dead.” He responds with a shrug of his shoulders, gaze smoldering. Wincing as if he struck you, you drop your eyes, and shudder.
“I didn’t abandon her! There was nothing I could’ve done to save her!” You cry, tears blurring your vision, adding a crack to your voice, but all Thornstrike does is laugh at you.
“You could’ve, but you were a coward, are a coward. You should’ve been the one to die, not her. Let’s go, my love.” Dismissing you with a glare, he rested his tail on the haunches of his mate and began to walk away. You stand frozen, hurt by his words, all the guilt you felt at her death assaulting you, taking the breath from your lungs, the strength from your legs and you collapse as he retreats to his new life. First, Celadinepaw dies, and now your brother has left you. Emptiness fills your heart, hollowing it out of any feeling as you lay there sobbing at your misfortune. How can you go on knowing that your mother has lost not one, but two kits to circumstance? You can’t bear the thought of seeing the pain in her eyes again, the pain that has refused to leave since the death of you sister.
When you return to camp, you go straight to the leaders den, the first signs of dawn cresting the horizon and you tell them everything you saw, and what Thornstrike says. The conversation is one-sided, the leader saying he will make an announcement then sends you away. You go to your mother, her sadness palpable as you tell her the news, but she says she isn’t surprised: RiverClan hadn’t been his home since Celadinepaw’s death. You lay with her, like you did all those moons ago, and grieve for your loss.
On your thirty-seventh moon, you receive your first apprentice. You had begun to worry if you would ever get an apprentice, having watched warriors younger than you get them, and seeing them become warriors themselves. You had been tempted to ask for one, but could never find the courage to do so. But finally, your prayers were answered and you got a spitfire young she-cat whose ego was already too big for her. The two of you butted heads more often than not, your own inability to stand up for yourself letting her get the better of you, but eventually, the two of you found a balance. Maybe it was your honesty that finally won her respect, or the numerous times you sent her to do the most unsavoury of duties, but after the first two moons, training is a lot smoother.
She is a good fighter, quick on her paws, her mind tuned to battle. Fishing is something she struggles with, her hyperactive personality making it difficult for her to sit still long enough to actually catch anything. It is an ordeal, trying to teach her all the required steps when it came to fishing, but eventually she gets it.
Four moons into her training, as fate would have it , the two of you attend a Gathering. It is her second one, the first one being quiet and without controversy, but you knew it would not last. Sooner or later, you knew that you would come across Thornstrike, whispers of his presence among the ShadowClan cats not lost on you. It annoys you that your Clanmates feel the need to coddle you, and keep things from you, but you think it has more to do with protecting your mother. You want to see him however, want to know he is doing ok, wondering about your kin that will grow up knowing nothing of the Clan that raised their father. Would you meet them in battle one day without knowing that you share the same blood? The thought is troubling, but you forget all about it as you catch a glimpse of your brother.
He looks strong, healthy, at ease sitting among his new Clanmates, and though your heart longs to go up and speak with him, the last words he said to you resonates in your mind.The relief you feel is quickly replaced with anger, but you say nothing - another Gathering spent trying not to look at Thornstrike, but ultimately failing. Your apprentice notices, questions you about the ShadowClan warrior on your way back to camp, but you shake your head and say nothing. Now is not the time for such talk. Your emotions can’t decide which one to dominate, so you bounce between relief, anger, grief and longing. Nothing would make you happier than touching noses with him and talking, but you also want to beat him senseless for being a traitor to RiverClan. That night, your dreams are filled with the death of your sister and your brothers sneering face.
Over the next two moons, your mother's health begins to deteriorate. You do your best to spend time with her, but finishing up the last of your apprentices training, as well as trying to be the best warrior you can be, allows little free time to see her. You’re worried that she will die, alone and scared, but are helpless to change your situation. THe only real thing you can do is wait for your apprentices warrior ceremony, then you’d have one less thing to worry about, but unfortunately, your mother doesn’t even make it the warrior ceremony. Perhaps her death was caused by heartache, or an unknown illness, the cause was ultimately unsolved; there was just no fight left in her. Losing her deadened your heart, closed off to any kind of love that could try to make its way in. You are surrounded by your Clanmates, but so very alone. You have no one to call family, a sickening realization. You are numb when your apprentice receives her warrior name, barely remembering her assessment, and wind up on the slippery slope of self-pity.
Despite your ‘woe is me’ attitude that makes most want to avoid you, lest they find themselves in a similar hole, you throw yourself into your warriors duties with new fervor. You know that just because you are grieving that you can’t let your Clanmates or StarClan down. You grieve on your own, curled up in your nest, angry with StarClan for taking her, and angry at yourself for being angry with StarClan. You never thought this is how your life would be. As a kit, you dreamed of becoming leader, with Celadinepaw as your deputy, Thornstirke your most trusted and respected warrior. But with Celadinepaw dead, and Thornstrike in a different Clan, you accept with regret that your dreams will never come true. At least, not the entire dream.
The battle that occurs between RiverClan and another Clan is a bloody one, yet you don’t mind overly much. You know that your pelt will be stained for the foreseeable future, the blood of your enemies caked under your claws, and yellowing your white fur. You fight with vigor, all of your frustrations coming out in the battle, losing your head more than once. The small apprentice that flung herself at you didn’t stand a chance, your instincts kicking it, biting at her, then throwing her to the side. As you go to yell at her to go home, the smell of death and blood thick in the air, her face becomes Celadinpaws’ and you realize what you have done. Unknowingly, you’ve killed an apprentice, much as the dog killed your sister. Your heart shattered, thinking of the apprentices mother, and what she would soon be feeling. It takes everything in your power to continue on, finish the battle, and report back to the leader.
Finding out that the leader is dead is a shock to you, but you find yourself unable to feel sad about it. Your mind is consumed with the murder on your paws, the taste of the apprentices fur still sour on your tongue. Weaselstream is a tom that you respect, though you’ve never really gotten to know him, not with him being younger. You know that he will lead well, but you have your reservations though you keep them to yourself. Whispers of who he’ll pick for deputy are spread around, though you don’t partake, still emotionally distraught. While the rest of the Clan waits anxiously for him and the medicine cat to get back from High Stones, you lay in your nest, trying to clean every sign of the fight off of your paws. You don’t want to remember it, but the stains of blood are stubborn and refuses to succumb to your grooming. You break, sobbing silently into your nest, feeling everything that has happened to you.
When Weaselstar announces your name, and gives you the privilege of being his deputy, you feel nothing. No sense of responsibility for your Clan, of making StarClan proud, or pride in your own accomplishments. Your demons are powerful, strangling you with their whispers, creating doubt in yourself and your abilities. But whether anyone notices, well, that’s on them.
@orchid: [i]light grey and white she-cat with blue eyes[/i]
→ played by [b]DIESEL[/b]
IMAGE CREDIT: image source.
any other information you'd like to include can be put here.
MADE BY ★MEULK OF GS